Two kingdoms, both alike in dignity,
In fair Europa, where we lay our scene,
From ancient gold to modern crypto-spree,
Where civil hands make civil coffers lean.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF LONDON (Gordon Brown), Chancellor of the Exchequer
BROWN: What ho! This gold doth weigh our vaults too heavy,
Methinks ‘twould shine more bright in a foreign hand.
Let’s sell it quick, while price is low and bevy,
For surely gold’s value shall ne’er expand!
Narrator: And lo, 401 tonnes of gold did fly,
At twenty-year lows, a mere $275 per ounce.
$3.5 billion raised, a sum to make one sigh,
When future prices would this choice denounce.
CHORUS: O “Brown's Bottom,” aptly named indeed!
Both market’s low and posterior to kick.
A legacy of loss, a glutton’s greed,
A tale to make e’en Midas feel right sick.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF DEUTSCHLAND (Christian Lindner), Finance Minister
LINDNER: What’s say south Saxon son? Seized crypto from a pirate’s hoard?
This digital gold must not our coffers clog.
I’ll sell it swift, lest values be ignored,
And prove myself a true financial dog!
Narrator: 50,000 Bitcoin, a fortune vast,
Sold at $54,000, a princely sum.
But lo! The price did rise so hard and fast,
To $65,000, leaving Lindner glum.
CHORUS: Alas, poor Lindner, we knew him well,
A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.
$270 million lost in this fiscal hell,
Enough to buy Ephesus plus Greek isles, so fancy!
Two ministers, so alike in deed,
Their uncanny knack for loss takes the lead.
We pity their errors, though pardon’s withheld,
For coffers now empty where once riches dwelled.
So ends our tale of fiscal comedy,
Where timing’s all, and all’s sold hastily.
Remember, dear friends, as you count your own gold,
The follies of those who too quickly sold!
Exeunt all, pursued by a bear (market)